Triggers

"Avoiding your triggers isn't healing.

Healing happens when you're triggered and you're able to move through the pain, the pattern, and the story, and walk your way to a different ending." Vienna Pharaon

Little things

I notice everything. And by everything, I mean everything. I notice when someone stops texting me like they used to. I notice when the way someone talks to me starts changing. I notice the little things that people do, and the little things they used to do. I notice when things change, and when it's no longer the same.

Depression

Depression doesn't really feel like sadness to me... it feels like exhaustion, irritability, no motivation, no desire to do the shit I love doing & more. Being depressed is worse than just being "sad".

Anxiety

Hi. Sorry I haven't texted you back. I've been anxious and depressed. I haven't had time to catch my breath, you know how life gets. I am so drained I can't even collect the energy for the most basic tasks, like texting you back or doing the dishes. The weather has been beautiful, right? 

Yesterday I fought off a panic attack while I was driving. I had to pull over because my vision was blurred. I just want to sleep all the time, but if I told you, you would want to uncover a reason behind all of this, and there is no tangible reason you would accept as valid. How are you? I hope well. Let's get dinner soon!

Change

I wanna change so bad. I don't wanna get mad at everything, don't wanna react to everything, don't wanna care as much, don't wanna put energy into things that I shouldn't, don't wanna make in the moment decisions anymore, I just wanna change me for MYSELF, not for somebody else.

Recordar terapêutico

Quem diria que "recordar" por vezes pode ser mais terapêutico do que prejudicial.

Sem escrever muito, pois o meu cérebro ainda não tem uma ordem de raciocínio, ir a recantos da memória e conviver "like old times" ao contrário do que eu esperava, foi bastante terapêutico ao ponto de me dar motivação para o ano que se avizinha.

Posso já não ser quem era.. de todo. Não precisei de me embebedar para ter este recarregar de baterias, bastou-me descontrair e conviver um pouco sem pensamentos que me perturbassem. 

Só sei que neste fim de ano, o meu cérebro está sofrendo um reboot saudável, e era a motivação que eu também precisava para me focar em novos objetivos e recuperar velhos que estão a ficar um pouco monótonos.